What do I want to do?

[Big-E]

Okay, I admit..I am going to go all existential on all of you. It's necessary.

I am sure most of you already know most of my story, so I won't go there so much as to where I am right now.

Here I go; I am 21, turning 22 - I have half a degree, tons of debt, a dead end job, little motivation (derived from dead end job, and debt) and finally, I am treading in circles, yet I have a yearning for more. I am not like most people, I do not measure success in an aggregate of monetary wealth, items or possions - that is only a means of attaining goals. I measure my own success in attaining goals I have set forth on achieving..however, with that being said, I don't know what goals I want to set or where I want to see myself. What is there to do, why should I do it and how do I get there? I cannot define any answer, or even begin doing so...I am just curious if this feeling passes us all, or is this something that only I am going through. Do we as a society ignore such feelings, why do we ignore it?

I want to tell you a story my brother in law told me. There is a police force in Eastern Canada that has a program, basically they choose needy kids to ride along with an officer for a day, the force gives that officer $200-300 to fulfil that kids christmas wish - well, the buddy of my brother in law got a kid who asked for the following "Bologne and Kraft Dinner, for his family" ...yes, he did not want a truck, video game or anything else..food, and shitty food at that..Seriously, that is just fucking sad..a kid could wish for ANYTHING, and he wants something that is essential for survial because he does not have it ...this is in a developed country with one of the best GDP's in the world - how can this be, and further how can we ignore it?

Basically, what I am getting at is, there are so many more important things in life than what we have in sight - why don't we see this? why can't we fix it...why can't I fix it? even if I wanted to?

I've left you with a few questions, I am sure no one can answer them..but maybe some people can shine some opinion or light my way on what they think.


Cheers!

[ph0bYx]

Well, here I go:

What is there to do, why should I do it and how do I get there?

There are many things to do these days. I'm pretty modest when it comes to that, I want to change the world, make it a better place, live a life by my own standards, be happy and so on... As for the why part, well I don't need to tell you how fucked up the world is today and the people are mostly evil. God knows how many times I said "fuck it, they're not worth it" and wanted to give up, but then I get surprised by the few good people, like that kid in your story. They're the once that keep me going, they need a better world, they need the changes that I seek.
I know it seems a bit too much ("he barely survives from day to day, and HE wants to change the world?!") but there is no rule that defines what you can or can't do. I don't know, I guess I've been influenced too much by those who were barely surviving and now are on the "top floors" of the world. So my advice is: do what you want, because you CAN do it. (Heh, it sounds like a slogan for a diet pill, but it's not.)
As for the how part, I can tell you how I'm planing on doing it:
consistency, good and strong ethics and character, right values.

why don't we see this?

We don't see it because we don't look at it. Some see it but won't do anything to change it, people are too self-centered and don't care about others enough or not at all.

why can't we fix it...why can't I fix it? even if I wanted to?

If you wanted to, you would ask "how can I fix it" and not why, because the phrase "you can do what ever you want" is very true .

Oh and one more thing. In the beginning you said that you have little motivation, well I know the feeling, I've been there, a LOT! And I think that this quote could help you:

Eminem - 'Till I Collapse [Intro]

'Cause sometimes you feel tired,
feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

Hope I helped a little.

[DNR]

Huh Big-e I rarely see this writing style from you. I can tell it was important and you had been thinking about this for a while now.

You are 20 I am 40. We can debate all day all night over who is wiser - my point of the age difference is I have more life experience than you do. I lived my life eyes wide open, you know my stories, I wanted a front row seat to the amazing show that never ends - life. I completely understand your uncles behavior, I sometimes display the same behavior. All it takes is a memory trigger and its like I am right there all over again.

I got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is much of this stuff you see, the horrors of humanity, will never go away. People will continue to starve, lie, rape, cheat, kill, beat one another. Its just the flaw in our being - we are not that detached from the animal world of wolves, sheep, and lions.

The good news is it is possible to make a difference. It is possible to help other people, it is possible to make not only your own life greater - but you can help others achieve higher levels than you did. The good news is you do have the power to define who you are. If you do not like who you are today, you can be a different person tomorrow. You are not the person you were before you wrote your post. You will not be the same person after you read this post.

I said specific animals when I referenced us and our animistic behavior for a reason, maybe biblical. I am a Lion, I do not eat, sleep or walk with the sheep and the wolf is my enemy. The sheep mass together in a weak form of mob mentality, they can sometimes be regarded like monkeys - monkey see, monkey do. Wolves prey on sheep, they can attack in single or in group, and they enjoy ripping apart the sheep while it cries. All the other sheep will stand by and watch or they run off. I am a lion, and I cannot tolerate this so I attack wolves. I also enjoy the pleasure of the hunt, the ripping of the flesh. The sheep seek protection from the lions. It is a unusual relationship, one never really accepts the other.



You have to determine what you are before you can try to understand what your purpose is in life. I know what I am, I got a late start but I am making it work. I spent all my early life learning how to kill people, now I will live out my last days helping save lives. I can honestly say I feel good about myself - I have no regrets - everything that I have gone through in my life, good or bad, made me who I am today. The warrior I was, is still alive today. The same cool confidence I had while fighting people, I now use to stay cool headed during a code blue or emergency. The same determination to fight to the death I use to help someone else fight for their life.

You have to live with your eyes wide open and take in everything, good and bad. If you pretend that humans are not capable of bad things, your narrow view of life will have you missing the very beautiful things in life too. If this is a world created by God, he wants you to see everything.

Change your perception of time. Your time is not based on a clock or a calender. How can you use a calender that might only have 4 months in it? How can you make plans on a calendar that might go up to year 2040?
Time is only a measure of what you have wasted, not of what you might accomplish.

Keep your head on friend.

DNR

[Still_Learning]

I know what your saying im in a simular situation. I guess the motivation part is the most important. You have to set goals (reasonable ones that can be accomplished) and run for it full speed. I've had 20% of every paycheck garnished by the government because i owe 25,000$ for a school loan, to a fake school which fake credentials that ripped me off legally. But you still have to wake up everyday and know that there are better things to come. Their are multiple reasons why people are poor. Sometimes because they are born disabled, or injured on the job and get barely enough money to pay rent every month, or the person is a junkie and is so fucked up on drugs they cant take care of themself let alone their own kid, or they were laid off of their job, with the way the bush administration screwed over everyone in our country , they keeps saying were in a "recession" i would say they are scared to tell the truth that we are in a "depression" which is affecting a bunch of other countries as well. If you are in a position to help someone then do it. I do all the time if i can, but help people in a smart way. Like a week or 2 ago a guy at the store asked If i would give him money for diapers and baby formula because he had a back problem and couldnt work and how embaressed he was to have to ask someone for money, ect.. I told him no problem lets go into the store together and i will buy it for you, then he suddenly changed his mind and was like "nevermind" reason being is because he was probuly going to use the money for drugs. If he was sincere about needing stuff for his kid im sure many people would have helped out.

As for figureing out what goals you want to set, only you can determine that. Mine is to learn how to be a 1337 hacker j/k, it is to get some certs, have a well paying IT career. The hacking part is just fun though .. I can see where DNR is comeing from also, like my boss.. feeding off the sheep , sheep being all of us working at the telesales call center for 7$ an hour lol him getting major pay and not doing anything. One thing that should be done is to make it where people get paid more with a minimum wage job then being on unemployment. My current job i get like 240$ a week.. but on unemployment I will get 275$ a week for just chilling at home, studying for my certs. My boss will have to pay for all of my unemployment checks for the next 12 weeks if i am fired for the right reason. so sometimes the sheep gives a nice hoove up the wolfs ass, not that i am compareing myself to a sheep. That would be another interesting thread though "What animal would you compare yourself to and why" anyways hope i shed some kind of light on something, just keep on trying and never give up, in life their will be ups and downs, right now being a downtime for the majority of people

[DNR]

I am just curious if this feeling passes us all, or is this something that only I am going through. Do we as a society ignore such feelings, why do we ignore it?

I am not sure about other countries and their cultures. The majority of my life growth happened in the 1980s to 1990's in the USA. My experience certainly cannot be the same for a canadian or german person during the same time frame. Maybe other countries, the citizens are more sensitive to each other, maybe in others-careless. My POV on why society acts so careless in the USA, is the party mentality, supported by commercials on TV and acceptable risk - where people are willing to bend the law of the land. I am not sure but the saying might have been coined in the USA "Live Free and Die Young". The idea is to live hard, to work hard and be productive, and then go celebrate hard as well, drinking and drugs. People from Japan might agree with that logic, other people from other cultures might not.

The point is we make it acceptable to look the other way, to deny responsiblity - "Its not my job". At the hospital where I work, it is acceptable to drink after work, why not!? all the horrors of taking care of people, some dying - you deserve a drink to ease that pain.
We make it acceptable to numb ourselves, rather than to ponder life - we drink it away. Its not my job to fix the fucked up healthcare system, there is nothing you can do about old people dying, so I might as well go get numb. Some of us make the choice NOT to get numb, to be in the moment, even if it has fear and uncertainy in it. Some of us make the choice to see reality full on. How you deal with reality will make the difference of being that vietnam vet hiding in the dark with a gun, or being a mentor to a new combat vet. Free will means you chose how to react.

The worst thing you can say at the hospital is "Its not my job/its not my patient". I consider the hospital holy ground, many people have lived and died in this place. The longer I work there, the more people I will know that had lived and died. Some new employee, usually with a cocksure, know it all attitude will at least once try to pull the "not my problem" deal. Veterans bark and chew the newbie to teach him the truth of the matter - "Every Patient is Your Patient". Either the newbie quits, or they become enlightened.

The meaning is the same anywhere - you don't have to be in a hospital. Suck-o is a weird community that acts the same way, the veterans try to educate the newbies, the newbies come in here acting like they already seen it all and could sum it up in one word.

Society is a majority of newbies or people that quit. The few great ones were the ones that got enlightened and at least made an effort to do good. You don't have to save the world, but you can keep the spirit of hope alive. It doesn't matter what your job is, it matters what kind of person you were.

DNR