Asperger syndrome and the hacker mind

[DNR]

I don't believe the hacker mind is taught, I believe the perfect hacker mind is born that way. As an intelligent person I used all academic resources to learn about why I do things, who I am. Troubles at home and courts also got my head examined. I was not a threat - "very intelligent, observant, nice guy" and "antisocial, disruptive, wild card" - i was not out to harm myself or others. I was just different.

Asperger's kept coming up. People would use that definition on me, or I would come across the list of symstoms for Asperger's and couldn't help but to feel it fit. Several news worthy hackers were suspected of having asperger's, some court appointed psych said so.
http://cryptome.org/eyeball/hacker/hacker-eyeball2.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/8598459/Teenage-hacker-has-Aspergers-syndrome.html

http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/05/lamo/

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2009/jul/14/gary-mckinnon-aspergers-hacking

http://www.neowin.net/news/lulzsec-hacking-suspect-has-aspergers-syndrome

I believe it is very important to diagnose yourself - as any 'illness' or disorder needs treatment. Now, don't make it sound so negative - a disorder is just something not 'normal' or just different. You might have to compensate for differences, or realize that at times you need to 'act normal'. You also should exploit the positives of your difference - your ability to laser focus on a technical subject and become what you study. You should just acknowledge that because you focus on details of something, you'll need to compensate by making effort to check the 'big picture' now and then.

If you don't diagnose yourself, maybe you are one of those "Hey I am fine!", "I am normal, I fit in". Maybe you got 1,000 facebook friends. Some people that act like they are the most 'normal' or popular person there is - turn out to be the craziest motherfuckers - like Dennis Rader (BTK killer) - while the 'crazy' people - outcasted by society were really just too intelligent to function in society. I don't believe any one is free from defects, I don't believe in perfect people. Everyone is a fuck up in my book.

I knew I was not fine- as I got in to troubles here and there - at work, public places, school, and home. In effort not to repeat my mistakes I had to figure out why I did stupid shit. so, the diagnosis of asperger's just allowed me to be aware that I 'could' have those symptoms and compensate for them. It works - you can fake being social. I make effort to 'get out of my shell' or comfort zone and try new things - when I rather stick to a routine. I watch my communication in public, so I don't confuse people. I try to practise being patient and polite, as I still have trouble tolerating people being sloppy, lazy, or careless in public. I know I have to be aware of my 'hacking urge' to exploit things around me - I do it to make things faster for me, I do it to avoid people and procedures/policies, and even for a thrill. So far I have used all my personality traits to be a good, productive, lawful person.

It was not always that way, I had troubles then and now - trying to fit in. I tend to question and disrespect authority. Especially when authority is assumed or overbearing.
I still pen-test everything around me, I still position myself to where other are vulnerable and I am not. I still move about in public and private on the outside ring - not being easily influenced, not being defined, I don't bother to fit in. It is all a ruse now when I am out in public or meeting people - I have it down to an art, many tend to enjoy me I guess. Its a ruse, because I still don't feel like I fit in or enjoy the same level of 'enjoyment' of being social. I tend to 'work' with people, not play with them. I follow my rules 100% and little of their rules - as most rules - outside of basic common law and common sense and decency, most rules are bullshit.

I used to categorize people, based on their behavior not their words. If you began to categorize people by their behavior, and not their words, you might find yourself with few real friends. Its a good thing, to have real friends and not people that just talk shit to make you feel good. (they call you "bro!" but if you needed help from a brother, you can't count on him). I thought I was being so strict, but then being choosy with who you hang out with has turned out to be a good rule in my adult age now. Hang out with dirtbags, you'll be one. hang out with unique smart people, you can be one if you are real about it. It is ok to walk way from fake people, they got problems and you don't need more. If you are lonely, you need to be friends with yourself. Feel comfortable being alone, being yourself, and alone you can act like yourself. Alone does not mean sitting in a closet trying autoerotic sex jerking off - you can be very creative when alone - floodie in his lab, BB in his closet with server (pretty sure he is not jerking off), mabo, - many of us exibit creativity when alone working in our 'labs' or 'safe comfort zones'.

Where to get help.

These will be your real friends, they will understand and tell you as it is. They will likely have the same interest as you, and they will have similar personality traits so you can get along, if not on a social level, then on a professional level. If you are really 'into' suck-o, for what we do here, our subject matter, and the personality of the people active on this site - your help can be right here. I believe we have counseled each other, shared our experiences in the forums, and kept it real, to be brutally honest about who we are. When we encourage mentoring neophytes, its not just about teaching technical computer and network stuff, its about teaching how to hack life.

DNR

[PopPooB]

Eh why diagnose when you can just be happy?

[bad_brain]

Eh why diagnose when you can just be happy?

because today everything needs a stamp and a category. I also liked the days more where you were simply "weird", and the others simply could either love it or leave it.
of course there are cases where a diagnose and a treatment is needed because it can give the patient back some life quality, but it's not necessary trying to make people who are just a little different and "weird" conform with "society standards"....actually it's not just not necessary, it's evil.

[Broken Angel]

Eh why diagnose when you can just be happy?

because today everything needs a stamp and a category. I also liked the days more where you were simply "weird", and the others simply could either love it or leave it.
of course there are cases where a diagnose and a treatment is needed because it can give the patient back some life quality, but it's not necessary trying to make people who are just a little different and "weird" conform with "society standards"....actually it's not just not necessary, it's evil.

Giving a name to something makes it weird man... It makes people either filled with Sympathy or Disgust and I on a personal level am not happy with either of them. If I am weird or abnormal I would not like people to name the 'Disorder' that I have... I would like them to think that I am weird and stay happy with it. Also I would now like them to know what makes me slow or confused. I have learnt that let the person find your weakness and if you are in peace with it it's not easy for them to exploit it.


I say so because I have had Asthma in the past (It was something which was supposed togged over when I turned 13-14, and it did but I was so addicted to the Inhaler that I still use it). Now I don't like people to see this side of me... I feel weak and that they can exploit it as they wish...

Also self diagnosis is awesome. You get to know what is holding you back and then you can modify your surroundings and people around you to be comfortable. If you know what is holding you back you can hide it in such a way that it doesn't show out in pubic and then make use of it in a way that it adds to your betterment.

I hope I am right in here.. I feel the same with my asthma thingy and this is how I deal with it... I still carry my inhaler and don't show it to anyone. I feel that no one has the right to know about it as it is what I breathe...

[DNR]

self diagnosis - self awareness.

I am not for titles. People tend to be prejudiced and generous with out casting others, based on a name or title. If they don't cast you out, they put you in a box, and limit your abilities because they don't expect much/more.

It is ok to ask who am I? Its normal to compare yourself against others. It is not normal to shape yourself to outside pressures.

It is possible those who ridicule and out cast people who are introspective, deep thinkers, and questioning - are afraid, or controlling. As long as people go along with mob mentality and government regulation - they are happy.

DNR

[bad_brain]

yeah...because most of the people are lemmings, because sticking out means to put yourself into some kind of danger...because hey, "what might the other people think about me?"...
of course you can't make yourself free from that 100%, I for example must find it important what my customers think about me, if everyone thinks I am an asshole nobody would hire me. but in my private life I couldn't care less what people think about me...90% of the people are idiots, so being disliked by 90% is the actual goal...

[maboroshi]

90 % ... You give people to much credit, you are a nice person.

[bad_brain]

90 % ... You give people to much credit, you are a nice person.

thanks buddy, that's why you are one of the 10%...

[Broken Angel]

self diagnosis - self awareness.

It is possible those who ridicule and out cast people who are introspective, deep thinkers, and questioning - are afraid, or controlling. As long as people go along with mob mentality and government regulation - they are happy.

DNR

This also comes when people judge others and it happens like 100% of the time. OMG look he is wearing a jeans to a Marriage party... OMG look he's got a weird hair cut... OMG he is too slow... lol he's an IDIOT


Well, Fuck It... no one and I repeat no one has the right to judge people and then pt them in a box or outcaste them. I firmly believe that our Parents are the only one who have the right to judge us. I am not saying this because of respect of something (I do respect them a lot) I am saying this because they feed us man. No one apart from them will feed us and ask for nothing in return for the same. So Im always like 'hey you give me food??? NO??? THEN FUCK OFF AND STOP JUDGING ME, cause I DONT CARE... GIT...