I am taking it upon myself to create The Official Joke Thread. This thread (to all of little common sense ) is devoted to jokes!
Post your joke. If you happened to find your joke on another site, just post the url (www. web-site name>.com/org/net).
I'll go first:
Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied. A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup" replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it.
"Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "YOU F*CK ING AS*HOLE....IT'S TEN PAST THREE IN THE MORNING!"
-www.ebaumsworld.com
Last edited by Stavros on 06 Aug 2006, 00:37, edited 1 time in total.
Well reality can sometimes be funnier than a joke.
I might as well use some fun I had while growing up.
I was working lost prevention for Best Buy, it was nighttime and a weekend. I had just caught a guy on video for shoplifting two video tapes.
My supervisor and I lead the guy into the security office as he passed the cash register. I tell the guy "Ok, look we know you have some merchandise on you, you have to pay for it or leave it here." The guy thinks a minute, and pulls out the video tapes from the front of his pants.
He then ask me "Ok, can I leave now?" I ask, do you have any ID? He says no, so the supervisor leaves the room to call the police. I say "Well, I have to fill out some paperwork for this." He looks around the room nervously, so I start filling out the paperwork, acting bored, I ask him questions. "How old are you?" He says something like 20. I ask him for an address, and it was obvious it was fake, it took too long for him to answer. The address was descriptive, rather than a street number. I then ask "What is your birthdate?" Since I knew he was lying already, I kept on talking to him "Come on, don't you know your own birthday?" I did this to keep him from doing the math with the bogus age he gave me. This goes on for 2 minutes. He comes up with a date that I calculate to be wrong. But I act bored. He then asked me, "When you are done with the paperwork can I go?" I thought for a minute, and said "Sure, when I am done with this paperwork, you can go."
We sit in the office as I write out my arrest report for about 20 minutes. The police open the office door and walk in. The bad guy looks at me and says "HEY! I thought you said I could go when you were done?!"
I smiled, and said "Yea, I did. I am done, and you are going! With Them <points at police>"
more later.
DNR
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He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in Darkness, and Light dwells with him.
A grade A goody two shoes student went in to highschool and completely changed...her greades dropped and she became rather provacotive with her clothing style so her parents took her to a counceler after one visit he knew her problem was from recessed sexual desires so on the seconed visit the girl was dressed so provocative the doctor could barely hide the lust in his voice and told the girl. Lay down on the chair spread your legs and spell bedroom...so she laid down spread her legs and began to spell
b-e-d-r-O!-O!-MMMMM! and she was healed on the spot.
A girl goes to the doctor and says DOCTOR DOCTOR I have a problem and the doctor says well whats the problem and the girl says one of my boobs is biiger than the other. The Doctor says oh..I see well i know how to fix this and the girl says oh great! how are you going to fix them? and the doctor says oh well first we have to numb them...then the girl said well how do you do that...so the doctor said like this NUMIE NUMIE NUMIE NUMIE!
A boy comes home from school one day and says dad there were some kids today at school talking about a vagina...what is it and what does it look like? and the dad said before sex or after...the boy said before...the dad said it looks like a beautiful rose about to blossom then the boy asks what about after sex? and the dad said how you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise?