Most people go on holiday to relax....guess im just one of the few who beg to differ. So here's a run down of my highs and even higher!
To start with i very nearly not made it on holiday and thank the lady at the passport office for making all this possible :p
Wednesday get the airport holidays started, it's 6.30 am and i'm ready to party. Has a few beers, slaps on a smoking patch for the 8.5 hr flight, get myself 800 ciggies (English brand) everywhere else tastes like camel shit not that i have tried it XD. If any one ever does and it gives them hallucinogenic visions please post here....for scientific research only
, i might be interested 
On the plane has a nice sleep for 3 hours then wake up and me and a friend decide its champagne time. At £20 a bottle for some good shit who am i to complain. Has a couple of glasses then see there is who wants to be a millionaire on the games on the back of the seats. Ten minutes i had won a million to a few replies of i must have hacked the game and cheated lol. I got cheers from all round anyway and got blagged into getting another bottle( like buying a round if ya get a hole in one at golf)
Anyway i was the only one to do it including the return trip as they were all still trying. That was my first accomplishment 
Gets off the plane and thew heat hit me straight away, this was gonna be enjoyable. Goes through immigration to see two guys in blue shirts holding there arms out at the last hurdle....the exit barriers. At first i think it's customs and think yeah ask them what they want. He replies we carry your bags at which i burst out laughing to some funny looks and tell them where to go...not so politely lol. As i walk the 40 yards to the end which is basically where we get the coach to the hotel is where they would have wheeled them to they would have charged $5 to which i saw some other mug ripped off and had to laugh again. We walk another 30-40 yards to the coach where my mate is there getting his bag loaded onto the coach and asks me for $10. I ask him what for as he gets on the coach he says 5 for me and 5 for you for our bags loading on. He said i didn't know what to say so he said ask me for it. The guy puts my bag on and says for loading the bag. I tell him he is a cheeky bastard and to fook off, to everyone else laughing leaving me to do the dirty work. Its not that i'm tight as you will see later i just don't like cheek wankers XD
Got to the hotel 3.30 and it was exactly as you would expect for a 5 star hotel. The food was probably 3 star but the rooms, pools, beaches, beer and gorgeous women made up for that. Had the 3 S's (shower, shit and a shave), went for tea and hit the bar till 2 am. Early night for an early start.
Got up 7 am had breakfast and went to check the beach and the surf and wanted to hit the waves but all the boards were out so got a kayak instead. The guy tells us not to go passed the reef with the sharks and the currents etc, and i think hey the reefs big enough il just head onto it. I really should have had diving shoes on. once i get into it i try surfing the waves with the kayak and am having fun for 30 mins or so before i get thrown off. As i try to heave my self back on my foot hits the reef and as i get up i feel the damage already. Not to worry im ok and get back inland to have a look and it soon swells up. Ah i can still walk so all not lost
In our complex we had 3 hotels and we was the one to have the casino and the 24 hour bar so i didn't have to walk far any way
Hit the casino around 10 and came out by 12 minus any cash i took with me lol. My motto is only play with what ya can afford to lose. Ive been down the other road before. But it was good met some good guys at the table and we arranged for the tournament on the Saturday to play again. Some high rollers there and its funny how many acquaintances you can make while loosing money and having fun. Any way meets these guys at the bar later and we drink till around 5 am then off. Gets up a few hrs later around 8 am for breakfast before a few of us decide we are going horse riding in the mountains. A couple of great local lads took us and were really polite and well mannered and never asked for a thing just happy to show us. The trip through the mountains and through the sea on the beach was worth the holiday alone. On the way back next to the complex was a shop which the owners just wave and smile and not stood outside begging you in so i ask if we can stop. We have some bartering and we buy a few goods, i bought 2 pictures which when i got them back were photo albums....the missus says i must be smoking some good shit
Any way these people are really nice and show us around, they have pet snakes, a boa constrictor, a mongoose, a parrot not caged, a tarantula, iguana, and many others. While there i noticed one boy with no trainers on and ask him what size he was. He seemed embarrassed to tell me so i just took them off and gave them to him. They were my new Reebok classics and his eyes lit up. It wasn't long before i realized i were not on horseback much after this with the rockiest lane i ever saw. My foot was swollen and in pain but i felt proud of what i had just done which made me not think of my pain.That may have been the best move i have ever made in my entire life as after that we got to see the parts of Puerto plata that tourists normally get to see unless invited. A few days later and we see his boss who we booked the horse riding trip tells us the guy from horse riding wants to know if we want to go and see him wants to take us out for the day. Of course we agreed although we have heard what can happen to tourists over there. Hell with Ray the ufc fighter and my best friend Sam who loves to riot and me there why should we be bothered. It would have been an insult to say no really as well as to get invited is quite something over there.
Through the day we went and visited a few of there traditions and although it's not too everyones taste so i wont name it here i still enjoyed watching the local mafioso betting. Late afternoon headed back to the hotel after drinking in the sun all day we arranged to be picked back up at 9.30 from our driver to take us too a bar in the mountains. I asked if it was safe for us to take our partners and as we had got friendly with one of the mafioso, he assured me we would be safe. Well there was only me and ray with our partners as sam had fell asleep so we went anyway. Over there they do not have many driving laws. You can drink and drive you can do what you want. there are no licenses and you don't have to take a single lesson. traffic lights green means go amber means go faster and red means even faster. Anyway theres the driver, the guy who is a native and making sure we are all looked after and his girlfriend. in the back there's 2 couples so i decide il get in the boot more room, its a estate and open so it wasn't to bad. The journey was high into the mountains down dark bumpy lanes and the missus commented ' it will be in the news 4 brits found dead down lane'. She didn't like it but we assured her it was ok. When we get to the club we are the only tourists there and its like open planned with tables and a live band on the stage. The main guy there starts to move people for us to sit down but i insist we are ok we sit at the back. Not too keen on too much attention lol. Any way within 5 mins the locals have us all up dancing separately to there music with a partner who is local. I speak a little Spanish and with their little English we all got on just fine. Beer was quite cheap and was quite strong. Now i heard these people can drink, but these guys were telling me to slow down as i tried to get them drink for drink. Rum to these guys was called Dominican Viagra, and i see there point. Too many it becomes a sleeping tablet
. Oh and these people can dance, after 3 mins ya think cool its ending then it starts again and goes on for about 12 mins. I was sweating buckets after 2 but these guys dance all night. Even the big taxi guy could bust some moves. Anyway around 2 am the taxi driver looked knackered so we decided to call it a night. Taxi dropped us off and it was $60 for him to take us where we wanted from 12 pm till 2 am thats good going. Yeah he got a tip xd.By the way some of you know the shit i went through to get a passport which i got the day before i traveled. Well to top it off when i got there i had forgot the dvd camcorder and no2 my mp3 players. Gutted. Would have been fine if they knew what wireless was.....or even broadband lol.
I borrowed a psp as the missus said i couldn't take the laptop and thought i might have been able to do some war driving, but no such luck.
I took it easy for few days as my foot was swollen still and all i was capable of doing was drinking by the pool or on the beach and making it too the 24 hour bar, which most nights i was there till at least 5am. The days became a blur after the first few so mainly remember events rather than days XD.
I went to the casino few more times lost more money :p (only gamble what ya can afford to lose...so dont ask how much its rude lol) and had some more beer. Met some young lad say 22 from Norwich at the bar as he is pointing his finger into rays back as we stand at the bar. Not a good nmove as the guy is about to lose his temper but as he turns round the young lad says i can drink more than you to which he falls off his chair. Obviously we start laughin now and pick him back up and send him on his way. As the night goes on it gets to about 5 am and we have run out of ciggies so go back to rays and lisa's for a smoke XD and a beer. Around 7 am i am knocking beer bottles over on the balcony and out staying my welcome...not really but it was time to leave. Ray decides he is going to film me which he shows me the day after as i dont remember, but i am falling over half way up the road/pass laughing my head off while a maid walks past who i start to take photo's of. She smiles and has a joke with us before i head off. (When i get the vid off Ray i will post it. So funny)
As i walk back past the other hotels as mine is the furthest away i reach a street called Caribbean street. There's the young lad from earlier asleep snoring in the middle of the road.(Its a complex so no motor vehicles lol) I see he has his gold on and watch etc so decide i cant leave him there and slap his face a few times. My exact words were "get up ya knob, ya gonna get mugged. Look at ya, ya a disgrace" as i slap him awake. It was so funny. Another couple walk round the corner and ask me if i know him as im slapping him. I say no but i cant leave him here like this so they help me get him back on his feet. I saw him later again and he remembered me and said thanks ROFL. Well i could have left him there!!
Right il carry on the report tomorrow and i will get some pics posted now and some more as i go on.
When i eventually got back to the hotel the missus was in the shower getting ready for breakfast and as i had not spent one day or night with her decided i would take her to Ocean world for the day. Anything to shut her up for 5 mins, i was getting a hangover by now. Any way it turned out to be quite a good day out. As i posted in another thread there were lions there and they were magnificent. As cats said something about them being in cages. If this is the only way we can stop another species dying out and becoming extinct i am all for captivation. If there was another way to protect them then i would be all for it. The highlight of my day was swimming with the dolphins. These mammals are so intelligent its beyond belief. You also could opt to swim with sharks but i chose the dolphins as a safer option. XD The sea lion show was pretty good too.
Few days later went to another bar outside the complex. We got the waitress to sit with us and have a few drinks as well. As i am not too good at dancing Dominican style although i had a go, i showed them a good ol bit of body popping and break dancing...though not too much, at my age it would be more like break neck.
Spent the rest of the time by the beach apart from one day where me and a friend got a taxi to Porta Plata for some fresh shrimp and did a bit of off shore fishing. Only thing we caught was a wave XD
On the last day there the lad with the family that you see in the pics above, i gave him all my clothes which were all top branded names like paul and shark to rockport and timberland. I gave him my new nokia phone and a hundred dollars as well. The guy looked after us so well and asked for nothing i have offered him a free holiday in the uk all payed for, for 2 weeks.
well i can say it was truly great experience and one i will never forget. I am also looking at some land out there or even a villa. Well ya never know ...i will keep ya posted and thanks for reading
cheers
thuggy
