“Zen!” yelped Zam
“waaah” Zen annoyingly replied,
“Ttttturn aaaaround” Zen said nearly paralyzed with fear
As they turned around they were jolted in the face by the brittle side of an dwarf axe and knocked out. Zen unpleasantly awoke in a crammed cart moving through the bumpy path in the woods. The cart reeked with a terrible horse manure stench; though the cart was dark Zen could see thorough a hole in the carts maple wood wall. He peered out the hole and knew right away where he was and who kidnapped him, and then he realized Zam has not made a single peep. Zen threw himself at Zam who was lying on the floor of the cart; Zen knew Zam was dead by the skin color of him. It was Zen’s instinct to cry but he would not let it come out, he knew if he cried the once the drivers heard a single tear drop down Zen’s green face they would kill him.
The cart came to a sudden stop; despite the fact Zen had heavy shackles on he flew across the cart like a rock in a in a catapult. They slammed across the cart making a gash in the maple wall, Zen jolted off the carts floor jumping through the hole with Zam on his back. His shekels snaked a branch of a tree as a result Zen fell straight on his dairy air. The Dwarf aka the union had no idea that they lost there prisoners in fact they just moved along the road in the woods.
It was getting dark out, Zen had just buried Zam when he couldn’t help but notice a camp of broke away union dwarfs. Zen approached a girl dwarf appearing to be the head one. The dwarf’s sense of air alerted that there was someone behind her. With out turning around she said
“Who are you?”
“I am Zen from the kingdom of Evlentron.” Zen said proudly
“What do you want with us? If you came to us for help with your war then leave we want to deal with it.” The dwarf obnoxiously answered
“What do you mean war?” Zen pondered
“You don’t know about the…” A Dwarf stopped the head one from speaking
The dwarf that stopped the head one pulled the head on to the side and whispered into her ear “Do you really think we should tell him about the plans of the dumb union? Think about it even though we broke away from the union we still hate elves.” He spoke
”How dare you interrupt me then disagree with what I say blatantly to my face!” Screamed Mothumous the leader of the dwarfs
“Sorry mmmmaaam.” he cowardly said.
Zen feeling like he didn’t notice what was going on till
One guy shouted out “The union is planning on stealing the sacred gem from your homeland!”
Zen did not ask questions, he just wanted to get to his homeland and warn the elves.
The words just spilled out “caaan IIIII barrow your horses?”
No one could understand what he was saying the words just came at them like a tiger lunging at it’s pray.
Zen heard in his mind yes you may use our horse even though no one said it. Zen hopped on a horse and rode away. The broke away dwarfs did not mind this due to the vast amount of horses they had.
Zen whipped through the woods on the horse as if he was goanna die if he did not get there within a second. He just kept riding and riding for days, he finally arrived to the kingdom of the elves.
“Halt!” A guard said at a the entrance
“Let me in this is urgent!” Zen said eagerly
“Ok open the gate for this hobo.”
The gate opened and Zen rode in like a mad-man knocking anything down in his path.
“Watch it jerk.” a peasant shouted
Zen did not mind this as he was too worried about saving his kingdom.
He slammed through the kings towers doors nearly giving the king a heart attack.
“What is the meaning of this?” the king said sternly
“Your Highness there is a big attack on the way!” Zen shouted
“What are you talking about?” the king confusingly said
“What I’m about to tell you might sound crazy but you have to listen and believe me ok?” Zen hopelessly said
“ok.” the king answered
“About four days ago me and my best friend Zam where abducted by the Union, we were chained up and put in the back of a cart. I was left to find Zam lying there dead. The cart made a short stop and we both flew against the cart making a hole in it, I carried Zam into the woods and found a camp of dwarfs that broke away from the Union. They told me that the Union was planning to steal the sacred gem.” Zen explained
“Well so you’re saying that the Union is planning on taking our sacred gem?” the king asked
“Yes Sir” Zen answered
“Ok well since you found out about this, I want you to gather our army and lead them to the woods to protect the sacred gem.”
“Me Sir, I’m just a Meer peasant how would I be able to do this?” Zen asked as if the king was crazy
“Zen, you escaped from the Union and carried your best friend and buried him” The king encouragingly said.
“But…” Zen said feeling odd
“No buts, I will have the chief of war take you to pick out the army and prepare.” The king said expecting to hear nothing else from Zen
The chief of war took Zen to an odd looking building deep in the forest hidden form the kingdom, this was the building were the soldiers train and hangout. It was an unknown building to most people except the soldiers of course. In the building there were sweaty elves full of anger and pride ready to die for the kingdom at any time. One of all of them stood out to Zen the most his name was Ian, the reason for this particular elf to stand out to Zen was because he did not have a bow like most of the elves or even a sword he was using a Meer staff made out of magical tree, Zen did not know what the reason for this was.
“Ian, come over here.” Zen Yelled across the room
“Yes sir.” Ian replied
“What does your staff do?” Zen Asked
“I’m Glad you asked sir, this staff has been passed down from my family for over 10,000 Years. It was from the sorcerer elves, my family obtained it after the war of the hallows. I have mastered its powers well almost did.” Ian explained
“Ian how would you like to be my Co-War-Leader?” Zen asked
“It would be an honor sir” Ian proudly answered.
“I have a job for you, since you have been training with all these soldiers. I want you to pick who is right to fight in this battle and who shall stay back and protect the towns people just incase worst comes to worst.” Zen commanded
“Yes sir, I will try my best” Ian replied
Ian picked the most skillful and trustworthy people to fight in the battle. He also picked the not so skill full people to guard the Kingdom.
“Sir, I did as you asked this is your army.” Ian Joyfully said
Zen turned around to see an army of one-thousand elves.
“Ian, I there is only one-thousand elves” Zen stated in a wondering state of mind
“Sir, not to disrespect you but its not quantity its quality just trust me.” Ian stated
“Sir why don’t you get some sleep”
“Great idea Zen” he yawned as he spoke
During the middle of the night Zen awoke to a War bell then a scream from the bell ringer. Zen was caught of guard by Ian and jumped to the ground.
“Sir this is no time for falling” Ian Scare fully said
Disregarding what Ian had just said
Zen Screamed, “Every body get your weapons and go on the roof!”
The whole army stood up shaking the house, they all grab there leather grommets coded in metal and ran to the brick covered roof. The roof cracked the army came tumbling to the ground, they all rushed out the door and the bow men started to blast there maple steel tip arrows at the dwarfs green with a redlining mail body. You could not see the sky it was covered in arrows; it was like a solar eclipse. The dwarfs pushed the elves back to the barrow where they keep the sacred gem. The elves could not hold them off much longer they needed so help something, Zen Darted off in to the barrow grabbing the gem. He ran out side a threw the gem in the air and yelled
“IAN BLAST THE GEM!”
Ian raises his staff taking away his entire defense and gets hit in the hart with an axe dropping the staff causing it to send a blast and make the gem shatter into millions of pieces. Ian turned a bright green color
And rose into the air, the dwarfs try to retreat but it was too late for them Ian sent a blast at them the size of the sun knocking out the whole dwarf army causing Ian to full to the ground lading on his back. Zen ran over to Ian and tries to touch him but he got thrown back by an unknown force, Ian’s Body disappears leaving a book behind. Zen opens the book and it show the future all he can see is an army of 100,000,000 at the elf empire and mumbles
“It’s Not Over”
Every one just sits there in shock knowing they got something coming.
Full version !
Full version !
Last edited by mo2332 on 24 Jan 2008, 14:02, edited 1 time in total.
sorry for double post.
plan on summer school, English remedial
That about covers itNo one could understand what he was saying the words just came at them like a tiger lunging at it’s pray.
DNR
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He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in Darkness, and Light dwells with him.
He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in Darkness, and Light dwells with him.
Your story has a good plot to it, and is colorful. I noticed it could be re-worded in a few spots as well. Also, when i started reading it, i felt like i was starting from the middle of a book. You need to add a introduction, and a beginning to the plot. Start out with 1-3 characters, and then move it up 1 or 2 more, and so on. You can introduce characters that aren't big in the story, such as a store clerk, or civilian at any time, though.
What i can say is that you do have an interesting plot and one that doesn't get boring. You have a good imagination, and with some work, you could be a good writer.
What i can say is that you do have an interesting plot and one that doesn't get boring. You have a good imagination, and with some work, you could be a good writer.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It works on my machine...