Bitter.

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Stavros
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Bitter.

Post by Stavros »

There is nothing I hate more than the feeling of being used. My mom's friend called me and told me that my mom got food poisoning since Monday and didn't feel good and told me that I should go to Texas to visit her. Immediately my Bullshit Detector went off for the simple fact that if my mom wanted to tell me she was sick, she would call me and save the bullshit between me and her friend. Well, I was a little upset by that especially since I live 7 hours away and on top of that we were planning on going down to Florida (a 5 hour drive).

I get back to the house, let my dad listen to the voicemail message and he says what passed through my mind while listening to the voicemail message in the car: I should hear what my mom has to say. Finally, after calling the wrong number several times several times I get my mom. Whaddaya know, she sounds fine. I ask her how she felt and she says she's been sick the whole week. I ask if she's gone to the doctor. Of course the answer is no. I tell her she needs to go to a doctor. After a little uneasy silence I hear her sniffle and begin to cry. I ask her what's wrong. She says she misses me. Immediately, my anger flares up, but I don't say anything. I ask if she made up the story she was sick. She says no. Then I tell her, and I quote, "If your sick then it only makes logical sense that you go to a doctor." Another long uneasy silence. Then she asks if I'm going to talk to her.

Now, I know no one here know's me personally, but I can tell you this: I suck at starting and keeping a conversation going. It's just one of my faults.

"You know I don't conversate well," I tell her. Then I hear her tone of voice change to very irritated. She says good bye and I say good bye and that's the end of our conversation.

My dad asks what all happened, I recanted my conversation with my mother. Again he said what I was thinking: If she was really sick, she'd call me. Exactly what I thought.

If there's anything to learn to keep bullshit to a minimum, it's that if someone really wants something from another person, they should just skip the BS and ask up front. Trying to be sneaky only pisses (at least me) people off.

Needless to say, I'm bitter about it. This is only a drop in the bucket compared to the past six years. About 6 years ago my mom left my dad. You heard right. My dad did not leave my mom, it is the other way around. My dad was sad for a while then he got over it. Oddly enough, my mom has yet to get over it. This only put a strain on me. After hearing both sides of the story and my dad being the more relaxed of the two parents I chose to live with him somewhat for religious reasons, but mostly because my mom was acting uber totalitarian. She wanted me to do shit that I didn't want, for example she's a borderline fanatical Southern Baptist, I, however don't hold Traditoinal Christian views. I don't really know what the technical word is that I am since I consider my beliefs to be what I call "Free Thinking."

That is besides the point. The point is, my mom tried to manipulate my emotions witht he help of a friend as a proxy to trick me into traveling 7 hours to see her. If she had asked nicely, I would have gladly considered it and the chances of me seeing her would have been infinitely more.

I just needed to vent, so thanks for listening (well, reading).

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DNR
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Post by DNR »

hey brah, hang in there.

Life has its ups and downs - simple as that sounded, it is.

The communication issue btwn your mom and you is not entirely your fault - its a two way street. She was also unable to complete the connexion..Relationships are a part of the process in life, they are work and sometimes they just don't grow. Never be the one to cut the ties to family.

Rule #1. Look out for #1. (thats you dummy!)

Like the song by the Misfits: "you either reach a higher love or a loss of words."

Don't hold grudges, and don't look back in life so much.

DNR
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He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in Darkness, and Light dwells with him.

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Stavros
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Post by Stavros »

Don't get me wrong, I've never been able to hold a grudge. I just have to vent. I know I said I'm not that social, but it was way worse before. I practically didn't have friends 7th or 8th grade, but that has changed. I'm more social, but I'm not completely anti-social. To quote the D&D handbook (as geeky as that sounds) on dwarfs, which describes me pretty good: Quick to anger and slow to make friends.

I love my mom, but what angered me was that she'd stoop that low. I've adopted the "don't look back so much" and I've taken that to heart. Although I am a little confused about Rule #1, ironically the only rule. I try to be as humble as I can.

Oh I think I forgot to mention, that this happened about an hour and a half ago.

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Time to Roll.

Post by DNR »

I am the most humble person you'll meet too. Get on the wrong side though, I'll be the first to bust you up.

Rule #1 is for survival, you can't help anyone unless you are stable and smart. Less people you know, the lower percentage you will be killed. (scientific fact: more people are killed by someone they know).

You only need two best friends, one of them better be yourself. Your worst enemy is yourself.

Being antisocial ( I am the invisiable man ) maybe a self-defense mechanism.

DNR
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He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in Darkness, and Light dwells with him.

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Post by LaBlueGirl »

Stavros wrote:I love my mom, but what angered me was that she'd stoop that low.
Even though one may be grown up on the outside, it doesn't mean one is grown up on the inside.

It prolly hurts so much b/c it is your MOM doing this stuff to you, right? If it was just a friend or something, you could blow it off no prob.

There is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. There is no magic word or phrase to impart a sudden jolt of clarity, insight or peace.

Over time, it will become easier to accept your mom's "ways". It will always hurt, but the anger cools and is replaced with a greater sense of understanding.

I speak from experience, Stavros. You should see my mom in action <grins>. I'll bet my mom and your mom were twins seperated at birth...

Good luck. I mean it.
Since you can't control your mom, your logical option is venting (hey, shrinks make us do it so there must be *something* right about it).

Small comforts, I know.

Your dad sounds like one cool cat. You are lucky to have him and even luckier he understands your "situation".

(side note: My mom is/was a fanatical Independant Baptist:) She used to burn my "Free Thinking" books on the barbecue pit in the backyard)
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Ever tried walking with no legs?

It's real slow!"
~Crunch, Crash Bandicoot TTR

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Post by bad_brain »

I agree with LBG, for some strange reason we expect our parents (especially mum) to behave perfectly, but hey, they are also ordinary humans, they make mistakes and they do things sometimes that we can´t understand.

of course it wasn´t correct to make up a story (but well, in my experience women really just go to the doctor when it´s REALLY bad, so maybe the story is true,who knows.. :wink: ), but hey, it seems she just miss you really bad... :wink:

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