So I know this isn't a self help forums but I don't have anyone to really talk about this. Plus I know you guys are some of the most intellectual people I know. So anyways I will make a long story short. I am 22 and my ex gf is 18. Our relationship was fine until her parents stepped in. Her mom gave her the choice to either continue dating me and be disowned by the family or break up with me and still have her family. She broke up with me but she still got in contact with me. Her mom found out we were still talking and then kicked her out of the house. She was at my house for about 15 mins before her sister came to go to the store. She later came back that night and wouldn't look at me or even talk to me and said she wanted to go back because they still love her. I have talked to her and she says her problem was she was thinking with her heart not with her brain. Her mom told her that what she felt wasn't real. They lied to her and told her that I had cheated on her.
http://www.controllingparents.com/healthie.htm
That pretty much sums up her parents. A little more. Her mom has another identity she made up when she got a divorce. When she found out her daughter was still talking to me she said the nastiest things to her. The problem is I know she still has feelings for me from what she has posted online. I know she wants to talk to me but she won't because she is scared of losing her family. Plus the confabulated thoughts she has of mine because of her parents don't help. I don't know if I want to move on or wait for her. Is it wrong of me to still have feelings for her but to realize this girl is way unstable and coming from a family like that is going to take a lot of work on both our parts to have a successful relationship. I would be there through the whole thing I just don't want to wait for her to realize how destructive her parents are. I really don't know what to do.
Relationship advice.
Relationship advice.
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Re: Relationship advice.
Given the data I have, I can only offer the following.
Unfortunately the only advice I have is move on, and be patient. See the problem, as I see it, is she is still very young, and her parents/family still have an important roll in her life. While that may change in the future, you cannot force a person to see what you see, or understand how you understand.
I don't want to sound cliche, but walk away while you still have some semblance of control, if it pans out in the future, then it does... and if it doesn't, whell then you didn't take away from the time you could have spent finding a stable and well adjusted girl who is ready for the same kind of commitment you are ready for.
Just my .02, feel free to ignore me
Unfortunately the only advice I have is move on, and be patient. See the problem, as I see it, is she is still very young, and her parents/family still have an important roll in her life. While that may change in the future, you cannot force a person to see what you see, or understand how you understand.
I don't want to sound cliche, but walk away while you still have some semblance of control, if it pans out in the future, then it does... and if it doesn't, whell then you didn't take away from the time you could have spent finding a stable and well adjusted girl who is ready for the same kind of commitment you are ready for.
Just my .02, feel free to ignore me
knuffeltjes voor mijn knuffel
[img]http://i911.photobucket.com/albums/ac320/stuphsack/Sig.jpg[/img]
[img]http://i911.photobucket.com/albums/ac320/stuphsack/Sig.jpg[/img]
Re: Relationship advice.
That is pretty much the same conclusion I came to.
edit, glitch mob,sage francis, prefuse 73, gousien, andre nickatina, guilty simpson, j dilla, stones throw, mf doom, atmosphere, aesop rock, alias, block head, boom bip, dose one, busdriver, ttc, cannibal ox, dabrye, girl talk, heiroglyphics,2 mex, look d
Re: Relationship advice.
If I was you I'd get the hell away from that pit of never ending problems. But I'm not you so you have 2 more or less reasonable choices I think.
If you really like her (she's not just a one night stand), catch her for 15-20 minutes alone and have a serious talk. Tell her how fucked up the situation is from your perspective and that you'll be there for her if she decides to go with you over her family. But bare in mind what kind of commitment that brings, she'll be leaving her family in a young age which could probably change the rest of her life (which doesn't sound that bad in this case lol).
Other choice is if you don't like her THAT much, you should get the hell out of there. Figure out if she's worth all the trouble, because there's a lot of trouble coming up if you decide to still see each other.
Anyway, all that we here at suck-o can do is to speculate outcomes. It's one of those situations where the decision is your to make, and yours only.
Good luck with whatever your choose, and don't hesitate to ask anything around here
If you really like her (she's not just a one night stand), catch her for 15-20 minutes alone and have a serious talk. Tell her how fucked up the situation is from your perspective and that you'll be there for her if she decides to go with you over her family. But bare in mind what kind of commitment that brings, she'll be leaving her family in a young age which could probably change the rest of her life (which doesn't sound that bad in this case lol).
Other choice is if you don't like her THAT much, you should get the hell out of there. Figure out if she's worth all the trouble, because there's a lot of trouble coming up if you decide to still see each other.
Anyway, all that we here at suck-o can do is to speculate outcomes. It's one of those situations where the decision is your to make, and yours only.
Good luck with whatever your choose, and don't hesitate to ask anything around here
Re: Relationship advice.
Love and relationship is actually more of an agreement between two people to stick with each other through good times and bad. At times, love seems to ebb and fade, so the relationship has to be tempered with the 'business agreement' to stay together during those 'dry times'. It is a combination of heart and mind.
At your young age, you have only entered the world of responsibility and opportunity. The more you understand about job, car and home ownership, paying bills and making money - the better choice you will be for a future husband or long time lover.
If you are going to enter in a long term relationship - you need to assess your partner's abilities to learn, earn, take care of things, and be responsible. At her age of 18 - you cannot do this reliably, so she is still a risky 'investment'. Never marry a moron, lazy girl, careless girl - no matter if she can suck the chrome off a bumper hitch. You have to talk to the bitch the other 23 hours and 30 minutes of each day.
You, yourself - you might not have polished the skills you need - work, home, savings, flexibility to get money if jobs are lost, etc You have to have time to focus on yourself to build a strong foundation, for yourself, for your future wife.
Lastly - the mother is kind of important - no matter the relationship between the mother and girl you want to marry - you are going to inherit the mother in the marriage. It sounds like this mother in law from hell is not something you want to get into. Wait til the bitch drinks herself to death or overdoses on Valium.
So your choice - focus on your life, take a break from the relationship, downgrade it to 'friends only' (watch the 'friends with benefits, girls can't get their mind around that - its love to them), and if the relationship was meant to be - it will be - few years from now. If not, I promise you - another girl will catch your eye, or she will see a man who is polishing his skills to be a great provider, warrior, and lover.
DNR
At your young age, you have only entered the world of responsibility and opportunity. The more you understand about job, car and home ownership, paying bills and making money - the better choice you will be for a future husband or long time lover.
If you are going to enter in a long term relationship - you need to assess your partner's abilities to learn, earn, take care of things, and be responsible. At her age of 18 - you cannot do this reliably, so she is still a risky 'investment'. Never marry a moron, lazy girl, careless girl - no matter if she can suck the chrome off a bumper hitch. You have to talk to the bitch the other 23 hours and 30 minutes of each day.
You, yourself - you might not have polished the skills you need - work, home, savings, flexibility to get money if jobs are lost, etc You have to have time to focus on yourself to build a strong foundation, for yourself, for your future wife.
Lastly - the mother is kind of important - no matter the relationship between the mother and girl you want to marry - you are going to inherit the mother in the marriage. It sounds like this mother in law from hell is not something you want to get into. Wait til the bitch drinks herself to death or overdoses on Valium.
So your choice - focus on your life, take a break from the relationship, downgrade it to 'friends only' (watch the 'friends with benefits, girls can't get their mind around that - its love to them), and if the relationship was meant to be - it will be - few years from now. If not, I promise you - another girl will catch your eye, or she will see a man who is polishing his skills to be a great provider, warrior, and lover.
DNR
-
He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in Darkness, and Light dwells with him.
He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in Darkness, and Light dwells with him.
Re: Relationship advice.
Completely agree with DNR ! Very well said 
Re: Relationship advice.
Girls are funny.
I remember all the worry, all the money, all the stupid shit - chasing girls.
And when I stopped looking for a relationship, thats when I find the girl for me. OR she found me?
It was in college, I was deep in CIS/IT, finishing Novell 4/5 at the top of the class, computer lab rat, and campus police even. There were girls everywhere at this college, I was even banging the police dispatcher from the local PD.
But I didn't care for a relationship at that time. I kind of wised up, and knew I had to focus on building up myself - prepare for a career, get a real job, - come up with a business plan.
I knew I was catching the eyes of many girls then - so I realized that all those times I was chasing after the girls, was wasted time. I should have been working on myself - as thats what girls really want to see in a guy. They don't want a dog to hump their leg everytime they come around, they want to find a guy they want to be with - to feel secure, to feel stable, to feel cared for by a responsible person.
So treat it like a perfect Social Engineering Trick - pretend not to be interested in the girls, Do work on yourself, as only honest effort will pay off honestly.
Make yourself available, if you are hiding in a dark bar/club, basement, online - the girls cannot see you. If you are not approachable, they will not meet you.
I think for my wife and I, it clicked for us when we had to work together on a speaking presentation for our computer class. It was a basic 101 class on networking, and I had it aced - at that time people in class were figuring out that I was the genius and they better be on my study group/speaking team. I guess she saw me take charge of the team, issue directions clearly and nicely, she saw my humor. And of course we all got an "A" mostly for my effort as the team was full of newbies. I kind of picked up her longer gaze, her more detailed, personal questions - that I just casually asked her to lunch.
She was engaged to someone else. So I quickly became cold and aloof again. Back to banging the police dispatcher, almost got caught doing it in the medical teaching room by the Vice president.
She left the college after that semester. I didn't see her for another 6 months.
I stumbled, I drank heavily a few times. I did miss the girl, I lamented over another missed opportunities. How many other girls did I lose? I would think about her and dream of dreams of living a normal life. I was tired of lying to the dispatcher girl, I had even brought jewelry and gave her a computer even lol - but I knew I didn't want this girl.
She came back. The engagement was off, the guy was hitting her, being very mean. Turns out ex-convict who stabbed someone. So while she said she was not ready for a relationship, she did feel secure being with me - to protect her from this guy.
We just hung out at school alot, I didn't try to impress her. I was trying to obey her 'hey just got out of a relationship, need time, etc'. One thing lead to another - we got married 6 months later!
She was working at a big shopping mall, in the food court. I went to the security office and met the commander, a female - so it was easy to get her to work my plan.
I had two officers, the commander she volunteered to parcipate. I had them go to my girl's place of work in the mall, the busy food court. They called her out, and said they had a "stolen property report against her". When she said "what?!me? Who?" They said, "you stole something from someone"
Thats when I came up behind her and said out loud - "Yes Officers, This is the lady that stole my heart!. Don't arrest her, I am going to marry her!"
I got on my knees and presented the oval diamond ring. She cried and said yes. The people in the food court, expecting an arrest, applauded.
9 years 6 months later - things looking good!
Yea, life is a trip - be there.
DNR
I remember all the worry, all the money, all the stupid shit - chasing girls.
And when I stopped looking for a relationship, thats when I find the girl for me. OR she found me?
It was in college, I was deep in CIS/IT, finishing Novell 4/5 at the top of the class, computer lab rat, and campus police even. There were girls everywhere at this college, I was even banging the police dispatcher from the local PD.
But I didn't care for a relationship at that time. I kind of wised up, and knew I had to focus on building up myself - prepare for a career, get a real job, - come up with a business plan.
I knew I was catching the eyes of many girls then - so I realized that all those times I was chasing after the girls, was wasted time. I should have been working on myself - as thats what girls really want to see in a guy. They don't want a dog to hump their leg everytime they come around, they want to find a guy they want to be with - to feel secure, to feel stable, to feel cared for by a responsible person.
So treat it like a perfect Social Engineering Trick - pretend not to be interested in the girls, Do work on yourself, as only honest effort will pay off honestly.
Make yourself available, if you are hiding in a dark bar/club, basement, online - the girls cannot see you. If you are not approachable, they will not meet you.
I think for my wife and I, it clicked for us when we had to work together on a speaking presentation for our computer class. It was a basic 101 class on networking, and I had it aced - at that time people in class were figuring out that I was the genius and they better be on my study group/speaking team. I guess she saw me take charge of the team, issue directions clearly and nicely, she saw my humor. And of course we all got an "A" mostly for my effort as the team was full of newbies. I kind of picked up her longer gaze, her more detailed, personal questions - that I just casually asked her to lunch.
She was engaged to someone else. So I quickly became cold and aloof again. Back to banging the police dispatcher, almost got caught doing it in the medical teaching room by the Vice president.
She left the college after that semester. I didn't see her for another 6 months.
I stumbled, I drank heavily a few times. I did miss the girl, I lamented over another missed opportunities. How many other girls did I lose? I would think about her and dream of dreams of living a normal life. I was tired of lying to the dispatcher girl, I had even brought jewelry and gave her a computer even lol - but I knew I didn't want this girl.
She came back. The engagement was off, the guy was hitting her, being very mean. Turns out ex-convict who stabbed someone. So while she said she was not ready for a relationship, she did feel secure being with me - to protect her from this guy.
We just hung out at school alot, I didn't try to impress her. I was trying to obey her 'hey just got out of a relationship, need time, etc'. One thing lead to another - we got married 6 months later!
She was working at a big shopping mall, in the food court. I went to the security office and met the commander, a female - so it was easy to get her to work my plan.
I had two officers, the commander she volunteered to parcipate. I had them go to my girl's place of work in the mall, the busy food court. They called her out, and said they had a "stolen property report against her". When she said "what?!me? Who?" They said, "you stole something from someone"
Thats when I came up behind her and said out loud - "Yes Officers, This is the lady that stole my heart!. Don't arrest her, I am going to marry her!"
I got on my knees and presented the oval diamond ring. She cried and said yes. The people in the food court, expecting an arrest, applauded.
9 years 6 months later - things looking good!
Yea, life is a trip - be there.
DNR
-
He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in Darkness, and Light dwells with him.
He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in Darkness, and Light dwells with him.
-
Broken Angel
- Fame ! Where are the chicks?!
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Re: Relationship advice.
I ma seriously bad with my relationships but yeah one thing is for sure...wait for the right time to come. I don't say leave her or bug her all the time talk to her, eb in touch if possible meet her once in a while... tell her that you are always there for her if that's what you really want and then when you are ready go get her my boy... If you are from India I can help you with legal things too and other than that
you can do things like talking to her mom clearly about what you have in mind for her but I guess that can be pretty pre-mature to do atm. So best thing to do will be sit tight hold the horses and yeah let the dust settle... it should she who should feel pressure from both the sides mate or else she might break...! anything do tell us happy to say things like that after ages
Njoy...
Regards,
Broken Angel
go get her my boy... If you are from India I can help you with legal things too and other than thatyou can do things like talking to her mom clearly about what you have in mind for her but I guess that can be pretty pre-mature to do atm. So best thing to do will be sit tight hold the horses and yeah let the dust settle... it should she who should feel pressure from both the sides mate or else she might break...! anything do tell us
happy to say things like that after ages Njoy...
Regards,
Broken Angel
God Blessed Me With Forgiveness And I Forgive You With My Revenge...!
-Broken Angel
-Broken Angel
Re: Relationship advice.
Thanks everyone. Dnr I love reading your posts.
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eppik
- Fame ! Where are the chicks?!
- Posts: 212
- Joined: 26 Mar 2006, 16:00
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- Contact:
Re: Relationship advice.
Dang DNR your story is just awesome, sounds like something out of an American Movie! Good to see its still going strong!
BTW good luck jester!
BTW good luck jester!